Quiet & Neutral

2 Comments

I have always expressed myself best through words. Sometimes though, even words seem to fail because I haven’t made sense of things in my head. That is the best reason I can give for the blog being a little quiet this month. I guess that’s how LIFE has been lately: nothing monumental, just. . . quiet. And neutral. There’s been a little homesickness here and there, but nothing that has affected my love for this city. Just a lot of cleaning, actually. Fun fact: I clean whenever I am nervous, anxious, or upset. Good thing because my roommates are freakin’ messy, man.

I’ve been thinking a lot about materialism lately. My mom can definitely attest to my expensive taste. : ) I would rather have one thing that’s exquisitely made than 20 cheapies. Since being here, having a bit of extra money in my pocket made my little heart go wild. I could finally buy expensive things that I didn’t really need, like candles from Anthropologie (although it is HEAVEN, I swear) or a full-price sweater from Gap or leather flats. As much as I enjoy these things, I’ve been trying to remember that is all they are: things. Because when I am depending on these to make me happy, they also have the power to make me feel out of control. I’ve been a little greedy lately, and I have to say it’s not very becoming.

I’ve also been feeling like the possibilities are endless, yet that I’m waiting for things to happen before life officially starts. The latter is something I’ve consciously struggled with since graduating and have conquered bit by bit, but its trace still lingers. It seems like lately I’m most inspired by people I meet along the way–their styles, their careers, their personalities, their possessions. In that way, they make me feel like I can be anything. In another way, I feel like I have to accomplish certain things before I can begin that transformation, like getting a job or my own place. I’m always waiting to find the perfect apartment, waiting to live with someone I love, waiting for someone to offer me a job. At the same time, I’ve never felt more free since coming here. It is the craziest contradiction and I don’t even know if that makes sense, but I hope you know what I mean. I think it is part of growing up. And figuring out who I want to be. It’s a long journey, friends. Let’s make it a good one.

Here’s what I’m feeling lately through photos from my new favorite Tumblr.

tumblr_m1artcEmqR1qzi0cpo1_400 tumblr_m60mczL6Fh1qz8619o1_400 tumblr_m74wva3Bz91r6y3u1o1_400 tumblr_mf5h2sbgli1qa0na7o1_400 tumblr_mmt5wrB6Ik1qcutz6o1_500 tumblr_momr2a165a1qkfpxgo1_400 tumblr_mrwllv3zzV1raw451o6_400 tumblr_mu014wLXGR1raw451o1_400

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Author: Rachael

Book lover + editor, feminist, California soul + New York state of mind.

2 thoughts on “Quiet & Neutral

  1. I love love love this post. Once again, you so eloquently wrote exactly how I often feel. Keep it up ;)

    Ans oh…those Anthropologie candles are worth every penny. I actually just splurged on an amazing one during lunch…..<3

  2. OMG I JUST CLICKED THE LINK YOU HAD TO THE CANDLE. That’s the one I bought. Omg, we seriously are soul mates.

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