We Are the Crazy People

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Reading Megan Gilger’s Living With Intention on The Fresh Exchange today brought tears to my eyes.

“So if you are feeling overwhelmed and things are out of control, know you are not alone and it is not abnormal either, but how you react to that feeling is the most important thing. Find a way to take a deep breath, maybe cry it out, and then ask yourself how you will make a change to eliminate the level of stress you feel. For me I was wasting time in some places I shouldn’t have been and it was causing me to not achieve what I was supposed to and leaving me feeling behind and out of control. For you it may be different, but find a way to make an action plan to take control before it controls you.

At the end of May, I told myself that I’d relax on the job search and take some time to myself to figure things out. Two weeks into June, I’m obsessively hunting down any and all companies that I might want to work for, stalking LinkedIn, and writing draft upon draft of cover letters. It has spiraled so out of control that I have even considered teaching, a profession that I never saw myself doing in a million years. I am losing myself in this, and it’s clouding my world. {Can’t I just make art and write every day and get paid for it?} Part of this is due to a false sense of failure. Part of it is I’m jealous of everyone else starting their new jobs. Part of it is the idea of actually landing a job feels so out of reach for me, even though I know there are many others who are in the same situation as me. The pressure that we—and society—put on ourselves is insane. We want immediate success and then are surprised when it doesn’t come so easily. Still, it’s sometimes hard to trust that these things will come. But what other choice do I have when not trusting that it will happen turns me into a crazy, stressed psycho? Just because I don’t have a real job doesn’t mean I don’t have a life. So I guess this is take two of taking the month of June to slow down, BREATHE, and create for myself. Here’s to hoping that the answer will come when it’s ready.

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Author: Rachael

Book lover + editor, feminist, California soul + New York state of mind.

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